even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
