They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize