wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
