I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I looked at my own cervix.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
