I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
