I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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