the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
