More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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