if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
