My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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