i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
