I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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