we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
