I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
