I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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