i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
