Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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