when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
