she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
