You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
