grandma shit on top of the toilet
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
