high people should be assigned attendants
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
