what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I looked at my own cervix.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
