She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
