Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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