They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
