running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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