At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
