Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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