Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
