I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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