Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
