i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
