nut hugger
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
