I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize