Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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