Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize