party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
