I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i came on her dog
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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