You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
