I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
