When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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