Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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