i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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