I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
