A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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