i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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