I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize