i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
