I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
