I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize