btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
