She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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