you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize