apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
