There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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