That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
