I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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