JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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