It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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