oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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