i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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