he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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