my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
