I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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