If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
zippers are such a cool invention
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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