No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
