Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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