ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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