Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
