I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
