Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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