She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize