I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
