just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
