So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize