so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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