WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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