I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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