Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
