the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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