Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
are you so shy because you have an std?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
