There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
