Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
