I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
