please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
