Are we in a gay sports bar?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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