I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize