Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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