I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
