i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
meet me or not, i'm out of control
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
