I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize