don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
