so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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