You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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