I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
