I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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