It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
